Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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