I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
