i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've blown a few things in my day
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
