You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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