the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
