are you still at the devil's house?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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