Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
