i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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