I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
