I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
