i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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