I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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