I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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