I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
