Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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