Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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