Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
