what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
