The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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