sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All the doctor said was why
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
