I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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