So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
