We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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