what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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