guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
