were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
