oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Be still, my beating vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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