My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
