i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
