im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
