i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
