Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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