well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
