ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
