I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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