It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
