i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
