I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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