We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
