Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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