I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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