I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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