i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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