...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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