So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you didnt know i had herpes?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
