She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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