....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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