Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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