just come out here and I will go home with you...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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