are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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