2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
