were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
