she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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