I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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