so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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