i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
