The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
