No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
