It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
