you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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