I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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