I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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