Yo dont text me then not text me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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