why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
