I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
